it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He did a backflip because drugs
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