If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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