The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
