We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
