New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
