I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
