Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
