Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
