please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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