i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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