just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
