Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
