You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.