her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it