I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day