i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
