a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her