It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.