pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
