You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
