Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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