This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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