please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
