my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
