I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
