I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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