i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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