the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
