im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My breasts were aching with rage.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
