ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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