I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize