I think my fart just growled at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
