You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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