ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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