Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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