...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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