I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
