dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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