I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
