Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
