I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
