apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
