Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
