I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
