U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
