When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
