she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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