She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
