Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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