tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans