I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
