4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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