That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
