your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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