i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A+ Viking dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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