Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Two words: blizzard sex
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
