I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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