Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
