If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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