stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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