I'm lost and stupid without you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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