I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
