Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
