I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
