did you get engaged???
I look better un-naked...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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