her vagine was all disorganized.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
