I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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