is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
