WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
