1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
