this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
