I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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