I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
