hotel room ftw
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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