i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
