Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
