Your dad touched me again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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