Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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