I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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