How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
