Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
