My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
