Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
