Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
