Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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