Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
