that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
