i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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