how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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