im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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